I Give You Everything

It was a beautiful morning, and our Sunday worship was joyful and  exuberant. As we sang a melody that has become so familiar to us, it hit me in a new and unexpected way. It took my breath away and I had to stop singing as I processed the words that had been flowing freely from my lips. 

The song is called “Goodness of God” and speaks to His faithfulness throughout all the days of life. 

It’s a song that I have blasted in my car. I’ve sung it with hands lifted high in praise and tears streaming down my face as a reflected on His goodness I don’t deserve. My fingers have graced the piano keys as the melody rang out and the words ran through my mind.

It’s a song that over and over again, speaks to my heart. God has been good to me! He’s been faithful! Yet, the line that gave me pause this particular week was in the bridge: 

“With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now. I give You everything “ © Bethel Music and Jen Johnson 2019

You see, I have been going through some health issues for several months now that have caused me to lose most of my taste and severely alter what I can taste. Additionally, it has caused my vocal chords to tire easily, and “give out”.  In the big scheme of potential medical issues, this is minor - I realize that. Yet, the impact on my day to day living has become incredibly frustrating to me.

A large part of my job involves speaking with other people. By the time I get home, my vocal chords are so fatigued I have nothing left to be able to converse with Gary. As a worship leader, singing is a key part of that and there have been some Sunday mornings that I need to depend on others because I can barely squeak a melody out.  The taste? While some would say, “Bring it on! New weight loss plan!”, the way this has impacted me it’s been almost impossible to get certain types of food down. Getting proper nutrition has been difficult which has impacted my energy level. 

I’ve consulted with doctors who think this will all resolve. They just aren’t sure of the exact cause and they can’t give me a timeline. (Being the extremely patient person that I am not, this hasn’t set well with me. ) I want to know the solution and when everything will return to normal. All they can say is they “think” it’s caused by such and such, they are “pretty sure” it will return, and they really “don’t know when” that might be.

I’ve brought this to the Lord regularly in prayer. I’ve enlisted friends to pray for healing. My grandson even said, “Grammie, I’m praying for a miracle for you.” So far, the Lord’s answer has been “wait”. 

So, that Sunday, as I sang in the waiting, I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me and challenge me, “If this loss of taste and voice is permanent~ will you lay that down in surrender? Will you give me EVERYTHING? Will you give me your taste and your voice?”  Tears streamed down my face as I struggled with that question. 

As I did, I realized that God’s goodness isn’t dependent upon what He does for us. His goodness is inherent in His nature. 

Remembering that, my answer became “yes”. 

Scripture reminds us, "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." (Romans 12:1, ESV)

Yes, Lord. “With my life laid down, I surrender now. I give you everything.” How can I not, after Christ laid down His life for me.